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How to tell her parents?

Japan With Kids - Forums: Health Topics: Pregnancy/Birth/Childrearing: How to tell her parents?
By Daddy2be on Sunday, June 15, 2008 - 10:01 am:

My girlfriend and I recently found out that she is pregnant. While we were surprised, we are very happy, in love, and extremely looking forward to having a child together. We plan on getting married soon, and although we have told her parents about our engagement, we haven't told them about the pregnancy yet. What is the best way to do this?

Should we go to meet them together to tell them? She thinks that they will probably get angry and emotional, and it may be better for her to go by herself and break the news to them and let off some steam before I come to talk to them. I'm not sure which is better. It might be a better show of support if we were both together to break the news, but they might want to see their daughter alone to talk to her after hearing such big news.

She is 28 years old and comes from a traditional Nagoya family. I am a 29 year old American who has lived in Japan for 6 years who speaks Japanese quite well and has a good, solid job. I would appreciate any advice/ideas that you could share with me!

By Ace123 on Sunday, June 15, 2008 - 10:59 am:

I think you better listen to her. She knows her parents best and know how to break the news. If they don't know you well, they will be very uncomfortable and it will effect their reaction. It tooks me more than a year to let my parents know I was dating a kaijin. Now we are married with one child. Good luck!

By Jack on Sunday, June 15, 2008 - 11:17 am:

I was sure glad to read at the end of the message you were 29/28 and not 19/18. It will work out however the newsbreaker is handled. Especially as grandkids will be here soon. The for sure clincher on hold out in laws. I would vote for Ace 123's idea with you ready in the wings to visit soon after. Good luck.

By Thekubos on Sunday, June 15, 2008 - 11:36 am:

If you are the kind of person who believes everything happens for a reason, then that's your reality. Wear that reality with pride and share it with your in-laws2be. Be proud, state your case, and no matter what, stick to your guns. Show weakness now and respect (from your in-laws) is something you'll find yourself forever wistful for.

The forum name you've chosen for yourself, Daddy2be, says it all. You've internalized your new reality, and now you're contemplating the next step in that process -- call it "externalizing" the reality (i.e. the fact you and your girlfriend are pregnant). That's the scary part, because you don't know how the in-laws (not to mention other friends and family) will react. But what I can tell you is that when you 'externalize' or share your happy news in a happy way, then you've got your work cut out for you. It's hard to argue happiness. It's what most parents want for their kids, it's what you'll want from yours. So, my advice to you and your girlfriend is to be unbending in your happiness, even if her folks get "angry and emotional". Happiness will prevail.

Doesn't matter if the news goes over like a lead balloon or a skyrocket, your happiness will be what saves you, what gets you through it all. Let the in-laws know that you want them to be a part of your collective happiness, that they are a part of it. Deep down they will know (though it may take time) they'll need to fall in line and start whistling the same happy tune in order for them to truly enjoy perhaps the 2nd greatest joy in life: being grandparents.

Good luck, Daddy2be. I'll be thinking about you at the table when you spill your guts ;-) You can do it!


PS: And don't forget to propose to her if you haven't yet!

By Daddy2be on Monday, June 16, 2008 - 10:44 am:

Thanks for the kind advice and support everyone! We decided on having her talk to her parents a few days before I go to meet them. This will give them some time to process what's happening and to cool down a little bit as well.

My fiancee and I (I proposed last week) have already made our wedding plans. We have already reserved the place for the reception, the 2nd party, the dress, tux, cake, etc. It is exciting and fun. We went and picked out her engagement ring yesterday. It's a rollercoaster ride of fun, excitement, nervousness, and expectations. But we are very happy and confident in our future together.

We are both a little nervous about telling our parents, friends, and coworkers, but I'm guessing the anticipation is probably worse than what will actually happen. Like a previous poster here said, all that matters is the happiness of me, my future wife, and of course the health, happiness, and security of our baby. Everything else will fall into place perfectly!

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